


What We May Be

by Duare



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-06
Updated: 2011-08-06
Packaged: 2017-10-22 07:27:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/235481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duare/pseuds/Duare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We know what we are, but know not what we may be." W. Shakespeare<br/>Near death experience usually have this effect in people, they make you rethink what really matters. After Reid anthrax condition and a hard case that knocks to close to Morgan's home, both of them discover what a lot more they could be to each other</p>
            </blockquote>





	What We May Be

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lagolindari](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=lagolindari).



_"They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."_ Andy Warhol

 

 

"Welcome to the kingdom of the Allknowing goddess; what can I do for you honey?" said the joyfully voice of the one and only Penelope Garcia, BAU's technician wonder and cyber-slayer on every online game available on the net.

 

Morgan wasn't able to stop the grin appearing in his face at the sound of her voice. He could almost imagine Garcia in her office up to the last detail: feet covered in colourful high heeled shoes on the table, gaudy dress, extravagant hair style with lots of pink clips, a pen with some kind of fluffy or furry thing on the top being played with on one hand and smiling red lips.

 

"Hey baby-doll, could you do some magic for me?" Morgan asked while he got into his car in the parking lot of Quantico Quarters.

"Hello there gorgeous! If you ask nicely enough I could make even your most secret wishes come true," Garcia said in her most seductive voice, flirting with Morgan was as easy as breathing, and just as safe and innocuous as staying home on a cold winter night.

"Naahh, I have enough with a call to the Hospital to confirm Reid is not released before I arrive, I would like to be there when the docs let him go so I can hear what they say," Morgan replied.

"Oh, you are going to pick genius boy up from the hospital, aren't you the sweetest thing? So cute being worried about Reid and wanting to take care of him, ohhhhh!" Garcia said giggling like a teenager, twirling around in her desk chair.

"Come on mama, are we talking about the same Spencer Reid here? Anyway, you know how he is," Morgan said half amused and half exasperated about Garcia's reactions. She'd been teasing him about his protective attitude about Reid for some time, and frankly Morgan had hoped that being with Kevin would be enough to take that kind of silly idea from her mind.

'But has anything changed?' Morgan thought while Garcia went on with her teasing. 'No, man I really need to speak with Kevin, he is not doing his job well enough if Penelope still needs to play matchmaker with me at any available opportunity'.

"Garcia please, just call Dr. Kimura and make sure she doesn't sign Reid's papers till I arrive, could you babe? Hotch wants one of us to be there, and I want to hear exactly how long Reid needs for his recovery and what kind of activities he should avoid for a while. You know he'll try to come back before he's well enough."

"Activities? Are you keeping things from me, muffin?" teased Garcia, she just couldn't stop herself, at the same time though she was calling to Dr. Kimura, 'Who said a girl can't multitask?' she thought while keeping in her teasing.

"Garcia..." he said warningly; he was already driving to the Hospital and he wasn't in the mood to find Reid already gone when he arrived.

"OK hot stuff, don't be angry with your girl, you know I tease because I care, don't you? I'm of the opinion that you and Reid would be very cute together indeed," Garcia said, following with a quick "And now shoooo, need to make a call, hold on for a second honey."

 

Morgan held the call waiting for Garcia's answer; he really hoped she wasn't late because it wasn't just about picking up Reid: it was more about knowing Reid was well, that he wasn't in danger any more -no more coughing, no more anthrax, no more worries about the kid.

"Did you miss me?" asked Garcia. "Just talked to Dr. Kimura and she said she'd wait till you get there. She's also concerned about letting Reid go by himself, and about some treatment. So let Genius Boy know that I'll go to his place tonight with some soup and other provisions. You men don't know how to cook comfort food."

"Comfort food? You've lost me, mama. OK, I'll let him know. Later baby doll!" Morgan said finally, holding off the call.

 

The drive to the Hospital wasn't too long, but it was more than enough to make Morgan wonder about Garcia's words. He did care a lot about Reid; the kid was young and seemed to have some kind of magnet for dangerous situations, so Morgan didn't think it was nothing special to care about him. If sometimes Morgan cared a little bit more than with any other team member, it was just because Reid had that kind of fragility air around him. Even knowing the strength behind that awkward appearance, Morgan couldn't stop worrying.

It was amazing how Reid had grown on him. The first cases they worked together Morgan was convinced Reid shouldn't be a field agent, Reid was just that geeky kid, shy and with too much data in his brain. Time and Reid himself made Morgan change that opinion. With just a few cases Reid started to hold himself better on the field, and he even learned how to shoot with some practice. Now Reid was absolutely necessary to the team. Nobody doubted his value. Especially Morgan.

 

'Value him? Yes of course. Care about him? It's just normal, the team is like family. A crush on him? No way! Whatever Garcia believes she is just delusional' Morgan thought, parking the car and going into the hospital.

He was just getting out the elevator when he heard various voices from the end of the hallway having some kind of disagreement.

"I've already told you Dr. Reid, I can't release you until someone from your team or any other family or friend arrives," said a voice that Morgan quickly recognised as Dr. Kimura, he had spent enough time visiting Reid to know that voice.

"And I've already told you that I don't understand why," answered the well known voice of Reid. "I'm fine, if that wasn't the case you wouldn't be ready to release me, and I feel perfectly able to get the train to go home, or even a cab if you prefer. I just want to get out of here right now."

 

Morgan knew he shouldn't be amused by the slight hint of annoyance in Reid's voice; but Reid was usually so calm and composed, only losing that calm when he started ranting about any stuff he was exited about-which being Reid, could mean everything. The smile and the little tease flowed naturally.

"Don't need a cab, Genius Boy; we wanted to be sure you wouldn't run into any other dangerous situation before you are ready to work again, so voilà: personal chauffeur. Pick your bags and let's get out of here."

Reid murmured something to himself and held his hand towards Dr. Kimura, who let out an exasperated sight and finally gave him his medical release.

"No less that two weeks Dr. Reid. You might feel alright but your body needs time to recover, respiratory injuries are no joke," Dr. Kimura said seriously, the woman seemed to know how careless Reid could be with himself, and how eager he'd be to start working again.

"I know that," Reid said a bit grumpily. Morgan knew Reid would be calling Hotch in less than a week to try to get back to work.

"Yeah Reid, whatever you said. Doc here seems to have you already all figured out," Morgan said without trying to hide his amusement. "Anything else, doctor? Any more instructions or precautions we need to know?" Morgan asked to Dr. Kimura, he had precise orders from Hotch to ask about that.

"I don't think so, he has his prescription and he already knows well enough to drink lots of liquids and eat smooth food, and to not exercise too much," Dr. Kimura said.

"Could you stop talking like I'm not here or worse, like I'm some kind of child incapable of taking care of myself?" Reid snapped, he was starting to feel annoyed again.

 

Morgan and Dr. Kimura glanced each other, sharing a smile which clearly reflected their thoughts: it didn't matter if Reid was a super genius male adult capable of taking care of himself, one just couldn't stop worrying about him, it was like a primal instinct.

"OK genius, let's go so Dr. Kimura and the rest of the floor's staff can work again without an hyperactive triple doctorate bugging them," Morgan said, one arm around Reid's shoulders and the other carrying one of his bags.

"Take care of yourself Spencer," Dr. Kimura said waving goodbye. "And if you need anything, don't hesitate to call me at any time."

 

Reid was suspiciously silent in Morgan's opinion, especially counting he'd spent the previous week hospitalized, which for Reid meant way too much time to think and not enough work to occupy his mind. Morgan had expected a non stop torrent of words from Reid, because while the team had tried to visit him at any available moment, they had work to do. Reid had had to spend a full week, since he regained consciousness, with practically nothing to do and just a few nurses and Dr. Kimura to talk to.

'He might be tired,' Morgan thought. 'Because he can't be angry about not letting him go by himself, no way. He has to know it's all because we care'. The growing silence was making Morgan quite nervous, not used to being with Reid and not hearing his voice talking excitedly about something. By the time they got to the car, Morgan was feeling jumpy, one more minute in that awkward silence and he'd start blurting out the first thing that came to his mind.

 

"Hey, are you alright man?" Morgan asked finally once they were inside the car before starting the engine. "You're not upset about before, aren't you? It's just that we care. It was the same when Garcia got shot, or when Garner attacked Elle. Hell, we were like that when Hotch was injured in NY! We are family man, and that's what family does. We may annoy the hell out of you, but it's all because we're worried about you and now we need to make sure that you are all right."

Morgan had been observing Reid's expressions at his words, and was glad to see a positive change, from an annoyed face with narrowed eyes to an amused one.

"So you are saying that you'd try to stop Hotch or Rossi to go by themselves and make them feel like they were children?" Reid asked with a chuckle. "I seriously doubt it, Morgan." The last words were accompanied with one typical Reid gesture: the eyebrow elevation waiting for an answer.

Morgan barked a laugh; if Reid was joking he surely wasn't that angry. Starting the engine was a lot easier now that Reid seemed to be his old self, and Morgan could relax a bit.

"You've got me kid, but I could always sic Penelope on them. You know the person who can resist our girl has yet to be born," Morgan said. "And talking about our girl, she told me you can expect her tonight at you place with soup and, I quote 'comfort food', don't ask me about it because I have no idea about what was she talking about."

Reid relaxed on his seat, a smile appearing on his face while he held on to his bag a bit tighter.

"Chicken soup with croûtons, warm brie cheese sandwiches and ice-cream," Reid answered.

"Chick's movie too?" Morgan asked, he was barely containing his laugh.

"I might be a geek, but Garcia is a real freak. So no, no chick's movies, I suppose she will come with a hard-drive full of scifi shows, cult movies and whatever she is watching now, so I won't get too bored for the next weeks."

 

They stayed in a comfortable silence for a while; Morgan didn't feel the need to fill the silence when he was with Reid. It was kind of liberating to be just himself: no pretences, no small talk just to be polite, not any forced smiles to be the strong and charismatic guy that everyone thought he was. He knew Reid didn't expect anything from him except, maybe, raw honesty, which could be an impossible thing to ask him for apart from the team. They knew each other better than anybody else. Maybe they didn't know their favourite colour or their favourite song, the classic facts that family, friends and long term lovers knew about the others, but they knew the most important things about each other: their weakness, what made them twitch, what made them blink, what their nightmares and fears were.

'The stuff you hide from everyone, that's what we know about each other,' Morgan thought wryly.

 

Reid had been looking through the window, wondering how he was going to fill the next weeks without going insane while looking for palindromes in the plate numbers on the cars they passed by. He was glad to be out of the hospital, and he couldn't deny part of himself thought it was nice for his team to care enough to make him wait till Morgan arrived to take him home. He knew they valued his input on the cases, and over the years he had learned to really care for them. However, it was still amazing to hear things like the "we are family" that Morgan had said early. Not because he didn't feel like that, but in his experience to care for someone didn't usually meant reciprocation. He had learned that the hard way when he was ten years old, and it was a lesson he had never forgotten, not that he tended to forget anything with that memory of his-the team, however-

'It's psychologically impossible to not create strong bonds with people you practically live with, and with whom you share near death experiences day in and day out,' Reid told himself.

That wasn't surprising. What was surprising was the affection: the way he knew Emily and himself flushed when Hotch or Rossi agreed with their opinions, the way JJ smiled when they say "thank you" to her for a well done job, the way Garcia would send cookies to any of them when they were sick, the way Morgan would tease any of them with a smile that said loud and clear it was a not malicious joke, the way Rossi sometimes looked at them like he still couldn't believe his luck to be back and belong to that small group of people that without blood ties had become family by their own choice.

It was the first time in Reid's life that he felt this connection to any human being, not counting his mother. He loved them, for different reasons and in different ways, which he knew this wasn't the moment to let his mind wander about...

'Not now, not ever if I have any say on that,' Reid thought, shooting Morgan a discreet glance. He was surprised to find Morgan with a dark look on his face, the one he usually wore when he was troubled for any reason. It was a look he hated to see in any of the team members, and that normally made him parrot the first data that came to mind because in his experience, a mind full of non-sense is too tired to have any troubled thoughts.

It never worked with Morgan before though.

Reid knew Morgan's mind didn't work like his, where words tried to rationalise and dissect everything, because he was more temperamental, a more straightforward kind of man, so words might not-

'Words-' Reid thought. ' _"When words leave off, music begins.(1)"_ ' Reid smiled at the thought..

 

"Can I play some music?" Reid asked, looking for a particular CD in his bag.

"Of course man," Morgan answered. "I don't know anything about your taste in music, actually. So, surprise me."

Reid took a CD from his bag, it was a burned CD in which it was written ' _Metamorphosis: because change can be for the better_ ' and let it play in the stereo.

The sound of a solo of piano filled the car, Morgan wasn't an expert on classic music but this wasn't exactly it. It was a relaxing song but at the same time it was full of emotions, he felt like the melody was absorbing all the tensions he had at that moment, even the ones he didn't know he had. Morgan sneaked a look at Reid who was practically laying on his seat, eyes closed and an absent smile on his lips; he seemed relaxed, more than Morgan had seen him in a long time.

 

It was obvious that the music had some meaning for Reid; that or the person who had given the CD to Reid. It was clearly a present since the writing on the CD didn't match Reid's. The curiosity was killing Morgan, but he was afraid to break the feeling of peace that permeated the car. He waited one more symphony, letting the music remove all the stress he had accumulated for the last days, but he was really curious about the music and the person behind it. At first Morgan had thought it may come from Lila, the blonde babe from LA, or from Austin, the cute bartender that Reid entertained with a magic trick in Atlanta, but it didn't strike him as something they would send.

Morgan darted a glance to Reid and saw him looking at his hands thoughtfully.

"What are you thinking about?" Morgan asked not looking at Reid, his sight fixed on the road.

"My hands," Reid answered with a chuckle, placing his hands in front of him.

"Oh... Do you play?" Morgan tried again, any bit of new knowledge about Reid was always welcomed.

"Nooo!" Reid said laughing. "That's what I was thinking, actually. People say I have pianist hands, or what they think the hands of a pianist might look like. Truth is, I'm awful at music, I can memorize any symphony, concerto or song if I see the music sheet but I can't play for the life of me. But this," Reid explained pointing to the stereo. "This is talent even if you would never say he has pianist hands, at least not the archetypical ones: long and bony fingers with gracious coordination."

"Bony fingers? Reid, people usually call them slender. And yeah, exactly like yours," Morgan replied, having at least a lead to ask about that mysterious pianist. "So, you've met this player? And what the hell is it by the way? I like it, it's weird but great at the same time... I don't know if that made sense..."

"Yeah... it makes sense perfectly, that's why I like it so much," Reid said, sitting on one side so he didn't need to turn his head to look at Morgan. "Do you remember New Orleans? I told you I had a friend there, Ethan, and well... Since we met then I've kind of gotten back in touch with him. When he learned I was at the hospital he recorded the CD and sent it to me. Philip Glass' Metamorphosis symphonies are one of my favourites, my Mom used to listen to some of his concerts and symphonies, plus Metamorphosis nº1 appeared in BattleStar Galactica." Reid grinned.

"Ethan, eh? The one you met while you should've been flying with Prentiss for some interviews?" Morgan teased and laughed when Reid blushed furiously. "Just joking man, I know you needed that and after New Orleans you got better, so all forgotten. And it's good to hear you have you friend back, Reid. A pianist, he could teach you some nice lines to charm some dolls."

Reid laughed at that and looked at Morgan with an amused expression.

"Sure he could, if he was interested in 'charming some dolls' as you have nicely put," Reid said, a wide smile plastered on his face. It was beginning to confuse Morgan.

'Why the hell is he so smug?' Morgan though, curiosity being slowly replaced by annoyance, he really hated to be on the dark of something. 'Why wouldn't Ethan want to...' "Oh," he said aloud.

"Oh, indeed," Reid replied, closing his eyes and laying into the seat once again, he remained in silence with a slight smile on his face, just listening to the piano notes being played until Morgan stopped the car in front of his apartment's main entrance.

 

Morgan wanted to kick up a fuss and go with Reid to his apartment, just to make sure he was safely set at home, but Reid insisted he was perfectly able to carry his two bags. Besides, he didn't need Morgan snooping around his living room when there were probably tons of papers waiting to be finished at Morgan's desk, which was absolutely true, not that Reid needed to know that.

With a promise not to come to the office in at least two weeks, and not to call asking for any data of the new cases either, Morgan let Reid go, waving him goodbye.

'Not that the doctors would discharge him before he is ready to work again,' Morgan thought, but he was sure Reid would try to start working before time; while he might not be physically ready his mind would be anxious to work at the 100% of his capacity. 'Well, I could bet good money that he finds some other stuff to occupy the following weeks," Morgan mused, starting the car and going back to Quarters.

His mind was filled with all the new bits of knowledge about Reid; he was so private about his personal business-a common trait in all the BAU members for obvious reasons-that any new input was treasured as real gold. Morgan felt curiosity about all his co-workers lives, but Reid was something out of the ordinary, so he didn't think anything special if he felt more curious about the young genius. Reid was an exceptional person with a past that could fit in any of the soap operas he was so taken to watch: a kid with a highly-gifted intelligence, growing up all alone with only his schizophrenic mother after his father left when he was ten years old, bullied, always the younger student, still a kid attending college, attaining three PhDs in the same amount of time normal people just finished an average degree, always the ugly duckling...

They could sell books about Reid's life, because even as traumatic as his childhood had been, it also was fascinating. All the team members had had their own tragedies; Morgan still shuddered remembering those hellish days in his youth. And over the years he had learned a thing or two about some of his friends' past, all of them with their share of pain and loss. It was just different with Reid for some reason that Morgan couldn't pinpoint. The 'ugly duckling' comparison wasn't random: Reid seemed to be growing more comfortable in his own skin with every passing day, more assertive, more self-confident, able to talk into silence a room full of old cops without going into his previous nervous babbling. It was the evolution to the beautiful swan of the fairytale.

'OK, maybe beautiful is not a word you would use on Reid, even if I call him pretty boy,' Morgan thought. 'But the story works: from awkward genius to cool FBI profiler, a metamorphosis. Like the CD Reid wanted to listen to'.

The words on the CD were a confirmation to his previous thoughts: _because change can be for the better_.

'This Ethan guy sure knows Reid if he sends him one of his favourite musicians with such an insightful idea,' Morgan concluded.

He had only known of that friend of Reid's since the trip to New Orleans, and he hadn't had the chance to meet him there. Now he wanted to meet the guy even more than before. The thought of Reid with friends was surprising, part of Morgan knew it was not fair to assume Reid had been always alone, obviously he had to have made some friends along his life, but it was still weird.

'¿But a gay pianist who decided to drop a career in the FBI for a more relaxed life playing the piano in some random New Orleans' club?' Morgan was really having a hard time wrapping his mind around that fact.

He wasn't really sure about the gay part, but it seemed like the only logical explanation. So Reid had a gay friend, and had been amused watching Morgan realize it. Which made Morgan wonder why. Reid had been watching Morgan, a smile on his lips until he came up with the solution, and then Reid had just shut up and been quiet for the rest of the ride, smile still placed on his face, now that Morgan thought about it.

Was Reid trying to tell him something? Morgan didn't think so.

'I mean,' he thought. 'If Reid was gay he wouldn't need to go around the fact just to tell me, I'm an open minded guy. Hell! Cousin Daniel is gay and nobody really gives a shit about who he fucks. No, it can't be that, unless...' An idea crossed Morgan's mind and he just lost the track of his thoughts.

'Reid surely wouldn't have been implying that he and that Ethan were involved, would he?' Morgan wondered. It was a ridiculous idea, not because Reid couldn't be gay and in a relationship, but because there was no way Reid had been commuting between DC and New Orleans without them noticing. It had been quite obvious with JJ after all, so Reid couldn't have kept the secret for that long.

 

The idea, though, was making Morgan feel uneasy. His stomach was twisting and he didn't think it was because he was hungry, because he had eaten enough on the morning break before going to pick up Reid. But it didn't matter. Not to Derek Morgan. He was used to have unexpected reactions from time to time, reactions he didn't think he should have, but he had learned a long time a ago to hold that reactions and feelings, and keep them away. It wasn't the best solution, he knew it well, specially in his field of work.

"I don't give a flying shit if it's a good idea or not," Morgan grunted. When someone had so much shit in his life as he had, they learned to deal with troubles in their own particular way. As far as it worked, it was good enough.

The knot in his stomach remained all the drive to the office though, and it didn't stop until he started working again, occupying his mind with the gruesome details of the last case. Hopefully he would have this unsettling emotions, if not forgotten, at least perfectly compartmentalized before Reid came back.

'And if there's any God out there, he will prevent Garcia pestering me with silly questions about these silly assumptions of hers,' Morgan thought, forcing his mind to work on the report in front of him, his fingers starting to type furiously.

 

 

" _Among men of genius, accordingly, all sizes of heads are found"_ J. Ferguson

 

 

Spencer Reid had always had a restless mind. As a child he was of the most curious kind, he was always the annoying kid asking questions, always a 'why' ready on his tongue. With a mind as hungry of information and knowledge as his, he was thrilled to attend university. The student lifestyle was really nice, especially once he was old enough to fully enjoy it. Though after three degrees and their respective doctorates he was starting to get bored. To say that meeting Jason Gideon had been a breath of fresh air would be an understatement. He had been working through his fourth degree... psychology this time, he had felt like changing for a less pure-science subject... when he attended a conference about the difference between psychopathies and sociopathies given by Gideon.

It was a turning point in his life; until that day he had thought it was going to be just that: never ending research. It was the only thing he was good at. Gideon made him realize there was a whole world of possibilities in which he could use his intellect to help people, to be of some use. When Gideon came up with the possibility of working at the Behavioural Analysis Unit, Reid wasn't sure at first if it would be enough. The problem with doing research had been the tendency to get bored if he spent too long with the same subject. He did present his doubts to Gideon and his answer was enlightening.

 

' _"Every case is like a snow flake puzzle, there are no two human beings exactly alike, and so their minds have an uniqueness that requires to be analyzed like it was the first one_ ".

 

Well, Reid had always enjoyed puzzles as a kid, so he gave it a try. He enrolled at the FBI academy and soon enough he was working in the BAU.

Gideon had been right. 'He usually was,' Reid thought. He enjoyed working in the BAU. His blood rushed at the sound of an unexpected call, and his avid mind loved the thrill that every new case meant.

'Three weeks. Three full weeks being perfectly healthy with no work to do,' Reid thought. 'That's torture, Hotch must have been a sadist in a past life.'

Even with all the complaints Reid had about not been able to work, he had to concede that this time apart from work, forced as it had been, had made wonders for all his delayed papers from university.

After his degree in psychology he had decided to try sociology; he spent the first two years working in the BAU and studying and he had considered to go on with anthropology.

Life happened though. Georgia happened, Elle happened and Gideon's disappearance was the last straw of that chain of events that made him feel lost. And so, his idea to study anthropology was postponed until he felt strong and composed again, which didn't happen until the team had the necessary stability. It hadn't been until a few months ago, after a rough case when all the team decided to go have dinner together, that Reid felt like they were complete again. They may not have Gideon and Elle anymore, but Rossi and Emily were now indispensable; he couldn't imagine the team without them. And that thought made him realize that everything felt alright again; he had his cravings and whatnots, but in the long run he felt good enough to continue his work and study dynamic again.

 

Even with all this work to do, he had been bored; it wasn't the same working on some papers for university than his reports for work. In all his years as student and researcher he hadn't found a more demanding boss that Hotch; which in Reid's opinion was a good thing. It forced him to make an effort in every report, every profile, every task Hotch assigned him.

He hadn't been completely alone of course, he had visitors and calls asking about his health, and Garcia had packed his fridge with food and his multimedia external-disk with TV shows and movies. But it wasn't the same, even if JJ had profited from his sick leave making him babysit Henry.

Thankfully the two weeks had come to an end, and he already had his medical papers signed to start to work tomorrow. He felt so accomplished with all his work done and so glad to start working tomorrow that he already had packed his usual travel bag and had his clothes for tomorrow picked.

He was having dinner while watching a movie Ethan had recommended to him, when his cell phone rang.

He could barely contain his excitement as he read the name of the person calling, his blood already rushing.

 

"Hotch?" Reid asked, not wanting to sound too eager.

"Reid, how are you feeling," Hotch asked.

"Perfectly well, ready to start working tomorrow," Reid answered, his fingers already crossed in a silent prayer. Hotch wasn't the kind of man who called for no reason.

"That's good to hear, do you have your travel bag packed?" Hotch asked, and Reid though he could hear a hint of amusement in his boss' voice.

"Of course it's ready Hotch, that you needed to ask offends me," Reid joked, he knew Hotch had known the answer before asking, but Reid supposed it was his job to ask that kind of question.

"Good to hear that. Listen, we've been called to Boston and we're flying tonight. If you are ready I don't see any problem with you flying with us and starting to work tomorrow morning in Boston," Hotch explained. "We are leaving in an hour. JJ has already called Morgan to pick you up on his way to the airport," Hotch finished.

"Thank you Hotch," Reid answered, almost bouncing with excitement. "I'd go nuts if I had arrived tomorrow at the office and you were all gone."

"I know Reid, that's why I called," Hotch said, his voice transmitting the smile he obviously was wearing right now. Sometimes, Reid was like a kid. "And bring your medical report, we will need to send it by fax. See you in an hour."

"Yeah, see you there," Reid finished, hanging up and rushing to get ready before Morgan arrived.

 

He was fully clothed in less than ten minutes, his mind already feeling greedy for all the new data he was going to process. It wasn't usual to travel at night, it only happened on the more pressing and serious cases, so even if this meant something horrible had happened... and was probably still happening-he couldn't stop himself feeling excited.

'And Morgan is driving me again,' Reid though, cooling himself a bit with that though in mind. Even if Morgan had not visited while he was on leave, he had called several times to ask how he was doing. And emails, Reid had received tons and tons of emails from all the team, but especially from Morgan. Which Reid didn't know if he should take as compensation for Morgan not having visited him, or just as a sign of how bored Morgan had been in the office.

 

Reid really tried not to think too much about Morgan, and he thought he had accomplished that purpose quite well for the past years. He was certain Morgan had not realized the crush Reid had on him. It hadn't been intended or premeditated; when he started working at the BAU romance had been the last thing in Reid's mind. To be honest, he had felt too intimidated by the team at first; Jason had been like the father he never had, Hotch the man he would like to become, and Morgan was just too scary at first with his open demeanor and changing moods. But that first impression had lasted just a few months, soon enough he trusted the entire team implicitly. He enjoyed working and learning with all of them, and he had even realized that they could learn some things from him too. He felt more comfortable around Hotch, didn't feel any more like a fan around Gideon, and had started to feel he and Morgan had established some kind of friendship.

'And then it all went to hell.' Reid thought, looking out of the window, waiting for Morgan's car to arrive.

 

It had been astonishingly easy to fall for Derek Morgan. Once you met the real person behind the charade, it was practicably impossible not to fall in love with him, in Reid's opinion.

Good looks apart, because Reid didn't think that was that important anyway-actually, he usually shied away from them, not having the best self confidence-Morgan was a loyal friend, a trustworthy partner who always cared about the rest of the team, a person Reid knew he could always count on if the need arose. And the most important thing, Morgan liked Reid. For some reason, Morgan seemed to really enjoy talking to Reid. Not just about cases or psychopaths random trivia, it might have taken some time but Morgan listened to Reid even when he was talking about the latest Tv-show he was watching. Morgan laughed with him, not at him, and if sometimes he stopped some of Reid's babblings it was more to Reid's advantage, to try to calm him not because Morgan wanted to hurt his feelings, or was making fun of him.

'No really, I sometimes need someone to stop me, or I could be saying whatever crosses my mind just because I'm feeling nervous or uncomfortable,' Reid thought. 'Morgan just knows when and how to calm my mind for a bit.'

And that was what made Reid fall for Morgan in the end, the sense of calm and security he felt always around him. Like the time they had needed to share a room he didn't need the light on all night.

'And it's not some misplaced hero worship,' Reid thought. 'Not when it's been going on for three years already.'

The sight of Morgan's car being parked on the street in front of his apartment made him smile.

Reid picked his bags, closed the door securely and hurried down to meet him.

 

"Well hello, looks like someone's really eager to start working again," Morgan said laughing at the way Reid had practically bounced inside the car and was looking at him expectantly.

"Oh shut up Morgan," Reid groaned, securing his seat belt. "It's been an absolutely nightmare to stay home, just sitting there with nothing to do."

"Come on, man. That's gotta be like paid vacations," Morgan said, starting the car and driving them to the airport. "All day on the couch watching movies and TV shows, getting to sleep whenever you want with no need to wake up early... That's heaven kid, not a nightmare."

"Morgan, I'd die of boredom if I have to spend one more day like that," Reid said, he looked at Morgan speculatively. "And I don't believe you for a second, you wouldn't spend two weeks doing nothing more than watching TV either."

"OK, you're right," Morgan answered, watching the smug smile on Reid's face. "Sooo... what've you been doing? You said something about some papers in one of your emails, and I don't think Hotch sent you any reports."

"No, though I practically begged him to," Reid laughed. "I enrolled in an anthropology degree last semester, and I've been a bit behind with some papers and readings, so at least I had something useful to do."

"Anthropology, uh?" Morgan asked. "What made you go for that one?"

Reid's smile brightened at the question, and before Morgan could regret asking, he started explaining his reasons to follow his studies that particular degree.

 

Morgan enjoyed the rest of the drive just listening to Reid talking animatedly. He had really missed the kid. He had been surprised to find himself several times looking across his desk towards Reid's to make some joke, ask him something or just make eye contact. And every single time he found himself doing so, he felt again that weird knot in his stomach. He had decided, though, that he would not think about it, the answer to why he was feeling that way wasn't something he believed he was ready to deal with right now. There wasn't any rush to do it, anyway: Reid was oblivious to Morgan's inner turmoil, he intended to keep it that way for now. And if the price he needed to pay was Garcia's teasing and know-it-all smirk, so be it.

When they got to the airport, though, he was unable to stop his hand closing over Reid's shoulder while they walked to the jet. For some reason he needed the physical evidence that Reid was fine and really there.

 

"You know Reid," Morgan said, hand still clapped on Reid's shoulder. "At this rate, you are going to run out of degrees to study," and with that he increased his pace and went inside the jet.

Reid felt his body tingling where Morgan's hand had touched him. He watched Morgan going up into the jet, still feeling confused. Morgan was a very touchy kind of person, but this felt different. It felt deliberate... and it made Reid smile. He didn't know what was going on in Morgan's head, but he liked it. With that in mind, he followed Morgan into the jet and went to sit next to Emily, as it was one of the few available seats. The rest of the team asked about his health, they enjoyed some small talk while they got comfortable until Hotch asked JJ to brief the case.

"Marc Anderson, he was six years old," JJ started while she passed a file to each agent and showed them a picture in her computer. "An early jogger found his body laying in Franklin park. Boston's police has been working in the case, but today they found a new body, Sarah Clark, seven years old, found dead in her room this morning. Cause of the death of Marc Anderson cardiovascular failure induced by a mix of... " JJ stopped a few seconds, frowning at the information. " _Sodium thiopental_ and _vecuronium bromide_... "

"That's Pentothal and Norcuron," Reid interrupted. "A combination of both drugs is used in some countries for euthanasia assistance." He looked at JJ apologetically and let her continue with the briefing.

 

 

" _For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: […] A time to keep silence, and a time to speak"_ Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

 

 

 

The last two days had been hard on all the team. The case had escalated from the original two deaths, to one more six moths ago, nine years old boy, and a profile that pointed to an angel of death whose victims were abused children.

They were all exhausted, Reid had no doubt about that. He felt like he couldn't read one more word without his eyes falling apart. He had spent all day checking medical and social services reports with Hotch and Garcia, and though he had taken off his contacts in favor of his glasses his eyes still had ended up red and irritated.

 

He closed his room's door at the hotel the team was staying, and crashed on the bed. Reid took off his glasses and covered his eyes with a hand. He sighed tiredly, and though he knew he should shower, or at least change his clothes before falling sleep, he didn't want to move right now. Reid was starting to relax when he felt his cell phone vibrating in his pocket, _The Ride of the Valkyries_ playing softly.

 

"Reid," he answered, his voice starting to sound sleepy.

"Were you sleeping already, sweetie?" Garcia asked animatedly. Reid really couldn't understand how Garcia could still have so much energy. "I know you need your beauty sleep, and I hope you are eating rich and healthy food, we don't want you to get sick again, don't we?"

"Of course Garcia, I'm eating well," answered Reid. "Whatever you've told JJ and Emily is working. They are looking after me as if I wasn't capable of picking a sandwich by myself. So, any special reason you are calling me at this time? Not that I don't appreciate it, always a pleasure."

"Oh don't try irony with me genius boy, it doesn't suit you," Garcia answered. "And of course there's a reason to my call, have I ever done anything unreasonable? Rhetorical question Reid, you don't need to answer that."

"Garcia... " Reid interrupted, he really was very tired and not in the mood for small talk.

"Yes, of course. I'd like to know how's my chocolate-muffin feeling," Garcia said as it was the most obvious thing.

"Well, maybe if you call Morgan you could have an answer to that, don't you think?"

"Don't you listen to me? Let the irony out of this, sweetie. And of course I'm not going to call Morgan, he wouldn't say a thing. Actually, he'd say he's fine, make some joke, flirt a bit a leave it like that. I know he trusts me, but... " Garcia sounded a bit doubtful. "You know how abused children cases affect him. I'm just worried about him, Reid."

"And I'm worried too, Garcia, but Morgan is not the kind of man who shares his feelings with other people," Raid said. "And I'm not going to profile him, it would be wrong."

"For goodness sake Reid, it's not profiling, it's called caring for a friend!" Garcia replied.

"OK, not profiling... What exactly do you expect me to do?" Reid conceded finally. Garcia was a very resourceful woman, and one way or another, she always made people do whatever she wanted.

"Go talk to him. It's not that late, and if he is just half as down as we think, he needs it," Garcia answered.

"What? I can't go talk to him like that? Do you know what happened last time I tried to check on a friend that way?" Reid questioned agitatedly, the sleepy state of his mind was being replaced by nervousness with every word of Garcia's suggestion.

"Spencer..." Garcia started with a more gentle tone. "What happened to Elle wasn't your fault, you tried to help her, you went to her. And that, let me tell you, it's more than I did. But Morgan and Elle are two different cases, he's been in cases like this before, I'm not worried about him doing something like killing the unsub in cold blood, or doing something to himself. I'm worried about him keeping all this inside, he's been concerned with some other stuff that he's obviously been keeping to himself too, and I don't thing this is going to help him in that matter.

"And you want me to knock on this door and wait until he lets me in into whatever is troubling him? Are you mad? I could stand there all my life and he would say nothing!" Reid protested, the last thing he wanted was to go to Morgan's room at this time of the night and have a talk about feelings.

"Reid, he'll talk to you. He trusts you, he feels comfortable with you; and you know how to listen," Garcia replied. "So come on! Get moving sweetie, the sooner you go to check on him the better."

"OK, I'm going, I'm going. At least let me wash my face," Reid said and sighed to himself. He should know better by now than to try to go against Garcia's demands.

"Perfect, and remember: don't do anything I would do, and don't go to sleep too late. Have a fun night!" And with that, Garcia put down the call, leaving Reid absolutely perplexed with a light blush on his face.

 

'This woman has no shame,' Reid though, refreshing himself a bit and trying not to look like he had fallen asleep with his clothes still on. 'If she ever knew what she's asking me... she'd probably be more insistent.' Reid had no doubt on that matter.

He looked at himself in the mirror, and groaned internally. The idea of confronting Morgan was making his stomach churn. He actually agreed with Garcia on this even if it was going to be a very awkward conversation.

 

Morgan had taken a long shower, he needed to relax and the hot water always had this effect in his muscles. This time tough, it hadn't worked as well as he would have liked. Mental troubles didn't wash away that easily. He had finished changing into some sweat-suits when he heard a knock on his door.

He looked at the time, the clock on the night-table marked 00:30. Quite late to have a visit. Just in case, Morgan picked his gun and went to answer the door. He wasn't sure what he had expected, but certainly not Reid looking ready to jump out of his skin at any second.

 

"Hey, I wasn't expecting any visitors at this time," Morgan said. "Has anything happened? Is everything all right. Reid?"

"What? No! No, nothing happened," Reid answered quickly, his anxious state increasing at the sight of Morgan freshly showered wearing comfortable clothes. "Well, I suppose that every second there are millions of phenomena happening, but that's not... that's not relevant right now... " He pulled some loose hair behind his ear, and stopped talking for a few seconds trying to compose himself. "Sorry, doesn't matter. Can I come in? I know it's late and you might be really tired but... "

"It's OK Reid, come in," Morgan said, giving Reid time to enter and closing the door. "At least I have showered and changed clothes, what have you been doing since we got to the hotel?"

"I tried to fall sleep, more or less... " Reid answered, looking around still a bit nervous. Morgan had taken a seat on the bed and was looking at him, obviously waiting for a more elaborate answer. Reid finally took a seat in the chair with the least amount of clothes on, moving them carefully. "I needed to know if you were alright. You've always been there when a case's been hard on me and... well, I suppose I wanted to reciprocate in some way."

"Reid, I don't... " Morgan tried to say but was interrupted by Reid.

"No Morgan, please let me talk," Reid replied. "You don't need to explain anything, unless you want, of course. I know perfectly well that there are some parts of ourselves that we prefer to keep private, you know I understand that. But I would like to know how you are, and I want you to know that if you need anything, not just now or in this case, any time you need to talk or just an endless dissertation to numb you mind, you know you can count on me."

Reid exhaled all the air he seemed to have kept on his lungs during his speech. He felt now considerably more relaxed than before, like he had lost a weight he was carrying around.

"Wow... I really needed to say that," Reid added laughing softly, his hands half covering his face.

"Yeah, I thought so," Morgan replied, grinning at Reid's effort. "Was it difficult?"

"You've no idea..." Reid murmured. "You know I'm not good at this... stuff, either," Reid went on. "But I wanted to tell you that, and it was either in one shot or never. So, yeah. Just... don't hide whatever is troubling you from everybody." At these words, Morgan looked at Reid surprised, he hadn't though Reid would have picked that he wasn't just worried about this case, even if right now it was the main problem in his mind. "There are lot of people who care about you and are worried for you, so even if you may not talk to me, don't keep it all to yourself. It never leads to any good."

 

Morgan had been looking at Reid intently, trying to read if there was more to his words. His voice, the gestures, the words, the pauses: it was like a big puzzle. He didn't know what he was supposedly looking for in Reid's demeanor; he just felt like there was more to what he was saying.

 

Reid for his part felt all his nerves in high alert. Morgan's fixed gaze on him was almost like a touch. Not a disgusting one, of course, but a bit weird. Especially because the last time he had felt something like that with Morgan had been in New Orleans, and then Morgan had been obviously trying to look for answers about what was happening to Reid, or maybe just a confirmation of what he had already concluded. Right now though, Reid didn't know why he was receiving that look. He felt it different too, less hostile maybe-not that Morgan had ever been hostile to him-less intrusive, more in the contemplative part of the 'looks spectrum' if that even existed to begin with.

 

"What?" Reid finally asked, chewing softly on his lower lip. He couldn't sit there all night in that weird staring contest they had initiated at some point.

"Nothing," Morgan answered, and sighed tiredly. Because yes, he was starting to get tired of whatever it was he had been feeling lately. "I... I'm just tired but, I want to thank you, really. For caring and for coming to talk to me. I appreciate it; and it means a lot that you've decided to miss some of our precious sleeping time to come and talk.

"Yeah, well… you're welcome," Reid replied. His agitation increasing after Morgan's words; he had felt the stare even more intensely than before. "But you may want to thank Garcia too," he went on again nervously. "She called me asking about you. She's worried, you know how she is."

Reid stood up, Morgan was obviously tired; he was feeling tired too. Moreover, one more second with Morgan looking at him like that, and he was sure he would say something stupid, like really, really stupid and catastrophic.

"You can be sure my baby-girl is going to receive a very nice call tomorrow," Morgan said, standing up and accompanying Reid to the door. "Go have some sleep Reid, I think we'll need it to finish this case."

"Yeah, you too," Reid replied already on the corridor. He was turning around when he felt Morgan's hand in his forearm. He looked at Morgan, directly into his eyes, and just for a second he saw such amount of emotions it was almost painful, especially when the predominant one was sorrow.

"I might not be fine now," Morgan said softly, his voice breaking in a whisper. "But I want you to know that I will get there." He let go of Reid's arm. "Good night Spencer," Morgan finished, closing the door softly. He didn't know what had made him keep Reid a bit more there, touch him with absolute deliberation. But he knew it was what he had wanted to do. A way to reassure himself it would all be alright-more for him than for Reid. And what it was more important, it hadn't feel wrong, on the contrary, it had felt too right for his own good…

Morgan leaned his body against the door and slowly he dropped down till he was sitting on the floor, staying there for a while, his face hidden behind his hands.

 

On the other side of the door a very surprised Spencer Reid stood for long minutes. He was looking at the door like it contained all the answers he sought. A hand touched the spot on his forearm where Morgan had grabbed him. After a while, a wide smile graced his face.

Reid went to his room, smile still in place. He wasn't sure about what had happened between Morgan and he, but he liked it. And frankly whatever it was, it didn't matter, he would be by Morgan's side and maybe, just maybe, Morgan would like to have him there too.

 

 

" _Love is a_ _promise..._ " John Lennon

 

 

 

A week, that's the time they were in Boston. There were no more deaths except the unsub's. He killed himself, a direct shot to the head, no sweet drugs like with his victims.

The team had discovered the unsub's identity, they had solved the case. They prevented him killing more innocent children; because mercy killings in his eyes or not, those kids didn't deserve any of what had happened to them: neither the abuses nor the death.

Nothing of all this seemed to be good enough for Morgan. That case had hit too close to home in his opinion. The unsub had also been abused as a kid by a very respected figure in his neighbourhood. A man nobody ever thought bad of, a trusted person. The same man who had abused the unsub's first victim too, and became his victim as well.

 

Morgan was too close to that situation, working in this case had felt like being in Chicago again and discovering Carl didn't stop after him. It could have been him, with the right set of circumstances he could have ended like that. Rationally he knew that wasn't true, not everybody who experienced the same tragedies and events ended up the same way. But it was one thing to know, and a completely different one to believe.

The only thing that had helped to maintain his mind in place had been the numerous and constants looks from Reid. His eyes were telling him plain and openly that he was there, for whatever he needed, he was there.

They had not talked again like that night Reid came to his room, but it hadn't been necessary. Morgan had felt Reid's presence with him on every step of the case. Especially after discovering the years of sexual abuse inflicted on the unsub. Reid's hand had been on his back, pressing softly but comfortingly, not letting go until Morgan moved away, thanking him with a nod.

 

The flight back home had been a quiet but tense one. Morgan knew the entire team wanted to comfort him, and they had already done it in their own particular ways: Hotch's pat on the back with a 'good job', JJ buying him cookies, Emily letting him borrow the book she was reading, Rossi's nod-because even if Rossi hadn't been in Chicago then, the man was a hell of a profiler for a reason-and Garcia's non stop calls and texts. But it still felt awkward to be in a closed space where everybody knew his most shameful secret, especially if most probably they were thinking about it.

He had put on his headphones and tried to relax a bit, music was good for the soul, or that was what people said. If every now and then he opened his eyes just enough to look at Reid through his eyelashes, observing him sleeping peacefully in one of the sofas, Morgan didn't think too much of that. He had enough bad things to worry about to also do it for a good one.

Morgan wanted to arrive home and rest the entire weekend. He was tired from the trip, had a crick on his neck, and was psychologically exhausted. And he was not in the mood to deal with Garcia's call. But he had learned long ago that Garcia's calls couldn't be ignored, the guilty penalty was usually too high, like cleaning her car or any other random work Garcia came up with. This time Morgan felt really tempted to let the phone ring, though. Garcia was a friend, and she was worried about him; he might be tired but he was thankful for her caring, so he prepared for the flood of questions he was surely going to be subjected to.

 

"Hey honey girl," he greeted her.

"Hello my love, where are you? You aren't still in the jet, are you?" Garcia asked.

"No, I'm driving home. I'm going to grab some take out and sleep for a year," Morgan answered.

"Good, good. And how are you, are you feeling alright? You are not going to do something stupid and die on me before we can have our perfect children, aren't you?" She asked, her voice worried in spite of her joking.

"Don't worry babe, I'm fine," Morgan answered a bit amused. "I'm not having a breakdown or anything like that. I'm not going to get drunk and do something I would regret later, or take some pills, or whatever's firing up your alarming imagination. Trust me on that one. Yes, I'm upset, yes it's been a hard case on me… but I'll survive, I always do, don't I?

"Yes you do," Garcia replied. "And I'm so glad you said all that. I was a bit worried you'll be too down but now I feel you can go to Reid's apartment and work this thing you and him seem to have"

"Hold on Garcia," Morgan groaned, he had felt so accomplished with himself thinking she would let it go, at least for a little while. "Reid and I don't have anything, we are friends who care for each other, and that's all."

"Of course muffin, and maybe if you keep telling yourself that, in the end you will even believe it," Garcia replied bluntly. "But we both know that's a lie. I've talked to Reid, he knows there's something going on, and he has right to know what. Trust me, all's going to end well. But if you don't go now -when you have your feelings skin-deep- you would go home, lie to yourself again, and you'll make yourself forget what you've been feeling for who knows how long. It could be months before you are both ready again to talk this out!" she finished with an exasperated cry.

"Garcia, baby. I think you are reading too much where there's plain and simple friendship," Morgan said, completely aware of how much of a lie his words were.

"Don't you dare lie to me Derek Morgan. Don't you dare!" Garcia replied furiously. "I'm not doing this to annoy you. You know I'm right, you know it's true. You're just are either too afraid to deal with it or too cowardly to confront what this would mean. I know I might have crossed a line, but you need to hear this even if you don't like it. I'm not saying all this to hurt you, god knows I love you too much! But Spencer will be good for you, he'll help you, he'll be there for you as much as you want to be there for him. I'm just asking you to talk to him before you have time to cool yourself down. Just talk and be frank with each other, nothing more. Oh, and possibly to take some food with you, healthy food. Knowing Reid, he'll have forgotten about dinner altogether."

"OK, you win," Morgan conceded. "I will go to talk to him, just that. Good night doll," he finished, though he heard Garcia screaming before he hang off the call that pizza didn't count as healthy just because of the tomato sauce.

 

Part of Morgan knew Garcia was right; the problem was he didn't know if he was ready to deal with what this conversation with Reid could lead to. Because he might had been lying to himself, but the truth had always been there. Morgan could have refused or ignored Garcia's demands and pleas, but deep inside him, he knew she had a good point. Whatever it came out of that meeting, at least he'd have that weight off his shoulders.

 

Reid had refused all the offers to drive him home. He had wanted to take the train and then walk for a while. It wasn't too late and spring nights like this one weren't usually cold-even by his standards. The opportunity to have some time alone was always refreshing after a long case. When they were away for several days, sometimes it felt like he'd never be alone again, becoming a suffocating feeling at times. Or Reid thought so; he was too used to be alone, he had been on his own for the most part of his life, even as a kid and living with his mother.

A long walk after long case usually helped him to calm himself, rearrange his thoughts, and get used to be alone again. Even if sometimes he though it was excessive the amount of time they spent together, lately when he was alone at home he missed the team.

He was now on that phase.

He had arrived home a few minutes ago and was already missing the sound of their voices and laughs.

Reid sat on his couch, he had only taken off his coat, tie and shoes. The bag was still packed and would probably remain like that until the next day. He was pondering the plan for the night and the rest of the weekend. There were still some shows he needed to catch up on, and several new ones to start watching-all of them recommended by Garcia, but in this things he'd never doubt Garcia's criteria and good taste.

 

'Yeah, a long weekend on the couch watching TV sounds wonderful,' Reid told himself. He was sure at some point he would start researching whatever incongruity he'd caught on at any random episode, but at least he could let his mind rest for a while.

 

The sound of the door bell made him stop his thinking and go hesitantly to answer. He looked through the peep-hole, surprised to see Morgan on the other side.

Reid opened the door and let Morgan in before saying anything. Morgan was carrying a big pizza box, and two bags with what Reid supposed was more food and possibly some drinks too.

'I hope so, because I only have water and coffee,' he thought, and added shopping to the list of things to do during the weekend.

Morgan smiled awkwardly when Reid opened the door. He didn't know what he was supposed to say or how to begin; thankfully Reid let him in without a word. He went directly to the high table that seemed to separate the kitchen from the dining room. He'd never been before in Reid's apartment, and at any other time he'd enjoy sniffing around. Right now, that was the last thing he had on mind.

 

"Well," Reid said once he had closed the door and Morgan still hadn't said more than a simple 'hey'. "We should eat before it gets cold. What have you brought?"

"A bit of everything, wasn't sure what you would be feeling like," Morgan answered. He breathed deeply and prepared himself to jump the gun. "Forget about the food, I didn't come to have dinner,"

"No, I didn't think so," Reid replied with a smile. "But for someone who claims he is not here to have dinner, you brought a lot of things-–vegetarian crispy noodles, gyozas, garlic bread, pepperoni pizza, cheese rolls... Morgan do you really intend to eat all this?" Asked Reid a bit surprised. He was looking at the different take out boxes perplexed. All different kinds of food, they weren't sold in the same establishment either. Had Morgan gone to different places because he was feeling insecure about what food? It didn't make any sense.

"Forget about the food, really. For all I care you can throw it away," Morgan insisted. He had only brought the food because of Garcia, and though it might not have been a bad idea, it had been a nightmare to decide what to buy.

"OK, forgetting about the food right now," Reid replied. He sensed Morgan's uneasiness, so he decided to stay silent and let Morgan talk.

Of all the possible sceneries to have a heart to heart conversation, Morgan would have never guessed this one, with Reid leaning against the kitchen counter and himself on the table.

"I really don't know where to start," Morgan said finally, breaking the awkward silence. "Hell, I don't even know what I'm supposed to say."

"Starting at the beginning is always a good choice," Reid replied, his particular sense of humor surfacing when confronted with a tense situation.

"Not helping here Reid," Morgan countered. "After all, it's in part your fault this-whatever the hell this is-is happening. I don't know exactly since when... maybe after you were hospitalized... but there's something going on, Reid. Something that wasn't there before, and... Well, it seems like something had switched on in my mind and now I can't stop reading more in everything. And I'm confused as hell because I don't know if I'm imagining things where there's nothing to see, or if suddenly there's a lot of more... Does any of this make sense at all?"

"Yeah... I mean, it makes sense to me, I don't think other people would have understood a word," Reid replied. He was feeling strangely calm. Morgan coming to his home seemed to be enough encouragement to take the decision to finally talk to Morgan; it might be what he needed to move on.

"So I'm not going nuts imagining things, subtext, whatever you want to call it?" Morgan asked.

"No, you're not," Reid answered.

"And this isn't something I'm realizing just now but that's been going on for a while?" Morgan asked again, he needed to be sure the waves he had been feeling weren't something he had been oblivious to until now, before beginning to consider his own change of attitude and the possible developing of new feelings toward Reid

"No, I..." Reid breathed deeply; it was now or never, like the song said. "To have a near death experience helps realize what's really important," he started, a firm resolution behind his words. "When I suffered the anthrax episode I realized two very important things: that I needed to tell my mother that I loved her for the last time-for what Garcia helped me record a message; and that I was probably going to die before I had the opportunity and the courage to tell you that, somewhere along the way, I'd fallen in love with you."

 

As soon as he let the words slip, Reid turned his head looking at anything but Morgan, who was standing in front of him with such a surprised expression that in any other time Reid would be laughing at him. Right now though, staying there, waiting for Morgan to say or do something, was one of the hardest things Reid had ever done.

 

"I'm... I don't know what to say," Morgan replied at least. It was a lame answer, and he knew it, but he'd been given a lot more than he could ever imagine.

"I don't expect you to feel the same Morgan," Reid said, his head down, eyes avoiding Morgan's stare. For some reason, the floor seemed the most fascinating object of study. "But I believe you had the right to know, so I suppose it's possible I've been sending some signals of my interest, and that's what's been troubling you lately."

 

Morgan was transfixed at the sight of Reid. He had never seen Reid looking as fragile as right now, not even when they found him in that graveyard or when he had been infected by anthrax. Morgan's stare was firmly fixed on Reid, drinking in every little detail-–from the chewing of his lower lip to the nervous way his eyes were looking at all the floor around him. He couldn't remain silent, not when what he hadn't yet said what he had intended since he arrived.

He moved one step closer to Reid; somehow distance seemed to be crucial.

 

"Reid, look at me please," Morgan said. He wanted to have eye contact, it was a basic part of communication and he wanted Reid to understand what he was feeling. Finally Reid looked at him with a distressed look. "I came to talk to you; to tell you something, and yes maybe also to get some answers. But well, I didn't know I was going to be given a hell of a declaration. It leaves in shame what I felt I needed to tell you," Morgan went on, looking how Reid changed his expression, he now looked more curious than resigned. "You nearly dying also opened my eyes. I was insanely worried about you; I couldn't stop thinking about you; I didn't know or I didn't want to know why. Suddenly I was looking at you with a very different light and..."

"Morgan?" Reid interrupted, he was seeing how Morgan's agitation increased with every word, and though he probably should be more worried about his wounded heart, he cared too much for Morgan to let him go on.

"No Reid, you've showed an enormous trust and courage to say that you love me," Morgan replied, not letting Reid interrupt him again. "It shouldn't be this difficult to tell you I'm discovering some new and less than platonic feelings for you," he finally said. And if this had not been one of the most difficult things he had ever said, he didn't know what it was.

Reid was looking at him intently, a soft smile gracing his face. It was a wonder how only a few words where able to change so much.

"You do?" Reid asked, he still couldn't believe Morgan had said what he thought he had heard.

"Yeah... It had been growing gradually, but Reid..." Morgan said, he wasn't done yet but calling the man he was telling he might have feelings for by his last name didn't feel right. "Spencer, you need to know that right now I'm completely confused. I've never had feelings for another man, never felt attraction either. You know me: I'm a ladies man, the perpetual one night-stand or very short term relationship. This is new and terrifying, but at the same time it feels natural to be drawn to you."

"It's OK Mor... Derek, it feels weird to call you by your given name," Reid replied a bit amused. "You don't need to explain more for tonight. We can talk tomorrow, or any other day. Today I think we have already exceeded our dose of sharing feelings. And we are exhausted, from the case and from this. Maybe we should have dinner and see how it goes."

"Sounds perfect," Morgan said, he'd moved to be side by side to Reid, their shoulders brushing lightly at their every move.

 

Reid turned his head, looking directly to Morgan, his face just few inches from Morgan's.

 

"Oh, just one more thing," Reid said, his gaze in Morgan's, who was looking from Reid's eyes to his lips. "You said you've never been attracted to another man before. But you are now, aren't you."

"What?" asked Morgan confused.

"What, actually, are you waiting for to kiss me then?" Reid asked finally, a promising look and lips slightly opened.

 

Morgan was surprised by such a straightforward demand from Reid, who didn't seem shy about the physical aspect of this new development, based in the look Morgan was receiving right now. It was a surprise, but a nice one.

He approached Reid carefully, afraid of doing so not just for his own reaction but also for the implications this all had.

Their lips touched timidly, just a brush of skin against skin. The second touch lost the awkward feeling, a light caress of lips knowing each other for first time. There wasn't a third touch, not really, they didn't lost contact from that moment. Smooth movements of lips getting confident, not closed any more. Lips parting, mouths opening.

 

'To hell with all that,' Morgan thought. He moved from Reid's side to be in front of him. He pressed Reid with his body against the kitchen's counter, one hand getting lost in Reid's hair, and deepened the kiss.

 

Reid felt Morgan's tongue caressing his lower lip, the one tender for his nervous biting, the feeling making him press himself against Morgan's body in answer.

Morgan, for his part, replied invading completely Reid's mouth, taking possession of it.

They kissed like that, long and deep, with exploring hands wandering over the other one's body, for a few minutes, just enjoying the pleasure of doing something that until then they hadn't known could be a possibility.

When they finally broke contact, they had twin smiles on their faces. The certainty that this could be the beginning of something promising. It was enough to take the risk.

"Right now I'm not where you are, and I can't promise you that I'll get there," Morgan whispered, they foreheads still in contact. "But I think, for the first time in my life, I would like to get there. I can't promise you a walk in the park, nor a path without problems, but I think I can promise you this for every night as long as you want it."

"Oh really. And what does exactly this imply?" Reid asked.

"Kissing, dinner and maybe... later," Morgan answered smirking, giving Reid short peck on the lips.

"Sounds good, I can work from that," Reid replied with a peck too. He disentangled himself from Morgan's arms and taking him by one hand, he went toward the corridor that led to his bedroom. "But for tonight, let's just forget about dinner."

 

 **END**

**Author's Note:**

> Story written for the Criminal Minds secret santa exchange on LJ's comm cm_exchange, the recipient was lagolindari  
>  **Warnings/spoilers:** Up to 04x24 Amplification  
>  **Prompts:** I've written a mix of the four prompts, taking as many points as I've been able to fit in only one story. So you have mentions of New Orleans and Ethan, and some jealous!Morgan from prompt 1; Amplification follow-up with Reid in mandatory medical leave and Garcia from prompt 2; interactions while and after a hard case from prompt 3 and Garcia awesomeness with her intervention to have the boys straighten things out from prompt 4. All in all, a getting-together fic.
> 
>  **A/N:** I have the two best beta readers in the world, they had done a wonderful work embellishing my writing. Thanks to  aviss and nebula99, from the bottom of my heart. This is my first story in this fandom, and what is even more important, first fic in English too, so God (and me two wonderful betas) help me!


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